New Rules for Employees

SICKDAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We
hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every
year.............The vacation days are as follows: Jan 1,
July 4,Dec. 25.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the
future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from
8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:20
to 8:40 and so on.
In addition, there is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet
paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives, or co workers. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your
lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your
share of the work is done enough.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch
to get a balance meal to maintain there average figure.
FAT people get 5 minutes for lunch because that\'s all the time
needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

OUT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary, If we see you wearing $350 Prada shoes & carrying $600 Gucci
Bags,we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not
need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation\'s,constipation\'s or input should be directed
elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Management

omg!!!!!!!!!!!!how come!!!

laid off the person sets these new rules(((

what inhumane rules.